Young children aren’t as sneaky or as sophisticated as older kids
are. For example, it seems unlikely that kids under the age of three
grasp the cognitive and moral implications of telling lies (Talwar and
And it seems that kids are better off when we treat them as creatures with more than mere physical needs.
That’s what psychologists Elizabeth Meins and Charles Fernyhough
have proposed. Parents who are “mind-minded" treat their children as
individuals with minds. When in doubt, they act as if their children’s
acts are meaningful—motivated by feelings, thoughts, or intentions.
For instance, the mind-minded parent is more likely to act as if a baby’s vocalizations represent an attempt to communicate.
Mind-minded parents may also be more likely to
• Pay attention to their baby’s gaze and interest in objects
• Imitate their infant’s actions
• Engage in sensitive, appropriate mind-minded talk—-i.e.,
comment on what a child seems to be feeling or thinking. For example, a
parent who sees her baby looking at a toy camel might ask the baby “Do
you remember seeing a camel at the zoo?" (Meins et al 2001).
• Assume that their children can understand and benefit from conversations about emotions and mental states
In one study, Meins and colleagues watched 6-month-old babies play
with their mothers and recorded the incidence of mind-related talk
(Meins et al 2001). The researchers were particularly interested in appropriate comments, i.e., talk that revealed an accurate understanding of what the baby was feeling.
The researchers found that appropriate mind-minded comments
predicted secure attachments. Moms who made more frequent, appropriate
comments at 6 months were more likely have securely-attached babies at
Mind-mindedness may also help kids reason about the emotions and beliefs of others.
One hallmark of our species is that we possess a theory of mind—-an
understanding that other creatures have goals, desires, beliefs, and
Theory of mind develops gradually over the first few years of
life, and it can be measured in several ways. One important test is the
false belief task, which asks a child to distinguish between what’s really true and what seems to be true to another, mistaken, person.
Do kids raised by mind-minded parents have an easier time developing a theory of mind?
In a study that tracked children for over three years, Meins and
Fernyhough assessed mind-mindedness in mothers of 20-month-old toddlers
(Meins and Fernyhough 1999).
The researchers scored moms as highly mind-minded if they were
more willing to attribute meaning to their children’s nonstandard
vocalizations. Moms were also deemed more mind-minded if they
spontaneously used mental terms when describing their children (i.e.,
“Charlie wants to be like his big brother.")
When the kids reached 5 years of age, the researchers presented
them with a puppet show that tested a child’s understanding of false
In the show, kids watched Charlie the Crocodile empty a milk
cartoon and refill it with soda pop. Next, Penny the Penguin—who didn’t
witness the act—came along.
The researchers told kids that Penny likes milk, not soda pop.
Then they asked kids to predict how Penny would feel when she first saw
the cartoon. Would she be happy or sad? And how would she feel after she
looked inside the cartoon and found that there was soda pop, not milk,
The kids who correctly predicted Penny’s feelings (i.e., that
she’d be happy at first, and then disappointed) were the ones whose moms
who had showed more mind-mindedness when they were toddlers.
These findings are consistent with other research on theory of mind and family talk about mental and emotional states.
In an observational study, Dunn and colleagues watched kids (aged
33 months) as they interacted at home with their parents and siblings
(Dunn et al 1991b). Later, when the kids were 40 months old, they were
given a false belief task (similar to the one described above) and a
task that tested their understanding of emotions.
The researchers found that kids performed better on these
tests if they came from families that frequently discussed feelings and
the ways that feelings motivate behavior.
A similar study asked 6-year-olds to describe the emotions
portrayed by adult actors in several videotaped vignettes (Dunn et al
1991a). The kids with the best understanding of emotions were the
ones who had experienced the most family talk about emotional causation
when they were 3 years old.
Another study observed mothers reading stories to their young
children (ages 3 to 5 years) and noted which mothers used “cognitive
state verbs" (like “think") to describe events in these stories (Adrián
et al 2007). Researchers had the kids complete false belief tasks and
then, one year later, administered a second set of follow-up tests.
The kids who showed a stronger understanding of mental states
at follow-up were more likely to have had moms who used cognitive verbs
And a longitudinal study tracking kids from 15 to 33 months of age reported that maternal mind-minded talk during the early years was the most consistent predictor of a child’s use of mental state language (Taumoepeau and Ruffman 2008).
What about causation?
These studies report correlations only. They don’t permit us to conclude that mind-minded parenting causes
kids to form more secure attachments or develop better theory of mind
skills. Maybe mind-minded parents possess genetically-based traits that
make them better mind-readers (Sabbagh and Seamans 2008). If so, the
links between mind-minded parenting, attachment security, and theory of
mind might be explained solely by the inheritance of these “mind-minded"
But there is at least one experiment that addresses this possibility.
Mental talk and theory of mind: An experiment on preschoolers
Learning to talk about the difference between appearances and reality
If you are trying to work out another person’s perspective, it
helps to have a good vocabulary for discussing mental and emotional
states. Heidemarie Lohman and Michael Tomasello tested this idea by
introducing 3-year-olds to “deceptive" objects, like a pen that takes
the shape of a plastic flower.
First, researchers measured each kid’s understanding of false
beliefs. Could these kids grasp that other people sometimes believe
things that aren’t true? Then kids were divided into two groups. One
group received training in the language of mental states. An adult
talked to them about the deceptive nature of the objects, using terms
like “think" and “know." For example, the adult might ask “What do you think this is?...You thought it was a flower…."
Kids in the other group experienced similar sessions, but the
adult didn’t use mental state terms (“What’s this?...It’s a flower…")
After these training sessions, the researchers re-tested kids’
grasp of false beliefs. The results supported the idea that mental state
language helps kids learn. Kids trained with mental state language
performed better on a false belief task. They also showed a better
understanding of the distinction between appearance and reality.
This experiment didn’t involve the children’s parents at all,
so it suggests that exposure to language about mental states is
If so, we’d expect that parents who use more mental state
language are helping their kids learn about the mind. This, in turn,
might help kids become more sensitive to other people. And when parents
and kids show more sensitivity to each other, we might expect kids to
develop more secure attachment relationships.
References: Mind-minded parenting
Adrián JE, Clemente RA, and Villanueva L. 2004. Mothers' use of
cognitive state verbs in picture-book reading and the development of
children's understanding of mind: a longitudinal study. J Genet Psychol.
Dunn J, Brown J, and Beardsall L. 1991a. Family talk about
feeling states and children’s later understanding of others’ emotions.
Developmental Psychology 27: 448-455.
Dunn J, Brown J, Slomkowski C, Tesla, C and Youngblade L. 1991b.
Young children’s understanding of the other people’s feelings and
beliefs: Individual differences and their antecedents. Child Development
Lohmann H and Tomasello M. 2003. The role of language in the
development in false belief understanding: A training study. Child
Development 74: 1130-1144.
Meins E, Fernyhough C, de Rosnay M, Arnott B, Leekam SR, and
Turner M. 2012. Mind-Mindedness as a Multidimensional Construct:
Appropriate and Nonattuned Mind-Related Comments Independently Predict
Infant–Mother Attachment in a Socially Diverse Sample. Infancy 17(4):
Meins E, Fernyhough C, Fradley E, and Tuckey M. 2001. Rethinking
maternal sensitivity: Mothers’ comments on infants’ mental processes
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Meins E, and Fernyhough, C. 1999. Linguistic acquisitional style
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Sabbagh MA and Seamans EL.2008. Intergenerational transmission of theory-of-mind. Dev Sci. 11(3):354-60.
Talwar V and Lee K. 2008. Social and cognitive correlates of children's lying behavior. Child Development 79(4):866-81.
Taumoepeau M and Ruffman T. 2008. Stepping stones to others'
minds: maternal talk relates to child mental state language and emotion
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