Social skills activities for children and teens:
Evidence-based ideas to help kids communicate, connect, empathize, and read minds
© 2015 Gwen Dewar, Ph.D., all rights reserved
Social skills activities put to the test
We want our children to succeed in the social world--to learn how to cooperate, make friends, and negotiate conflicts. We want them to develop strong perspective-taking skills, and treat other people with fairness and compassion.
How can we help them do it? In a variety of ways. Kids learn from us when we act as good role models. They also benefit when we create environments that reward self-control. And studies hint at the power of play. Fun activities may be a particularly promising way to foster friendly behavior and
instance, middle school children (11-14 years old) experienced significant changes after playing Awkward
Moment™, a researcher-designed party game that requires players to choose solutions to thorny social problems. Compared to students in a control group,
kids randomly assigned to play this game showed improvements in their
ability to imagine another person's perspective. They also showed more interest
in confronting detrimental social stereotypes (Kaufman and Flanagan 2015).
studies indicate that friendly, "prosocial" video games -- like Mario
Sunshine™ or Animal Crossing™ -- motivate players to be more kind, sympathetic,
and helpful. And as I show below, researchers have studied a variety of activities for improving social competence.
So here they are: Research-inspired social skills activities, listed by age group. For related ideas, see these tips for fostering friendships, teaching empathy, and encouraging kindness.
Social skills activities for toddlers
and toddlers are capable of spontaneous acts of kindness, but they can be shy
around new people. How can we teach them that a new person is a friend? Rodolfo
Barragan and Carol Dweck (2015) tested this simple tactic: Have the child
engage in playful acts of reciprocity, like
- taking turns pressing the buttons on a toy,
- rolling a ball back and forth, or
- handing toys to each other
an unfamiliar adult played in this way with 1- and 2-year-olds, the children
seemed to flip a switch. They began to respond to their new playmate as a
person to help and share with. There was no such effect when kids merely played
alongside the stranger.
Sandra Sandy and Kathleen Cochran
argue that young children need to learn the importance of getting someone’s
attention before you speak. To give kids a boost, they recommend this
game for preschool groups: Have children sit in a circle, and give a ball to
one of them. Then ask this child to name someone in the circle and roll the
ball to him or her. The recipient then does the same thing—naming a recipient
and rolling the ball--and the process repeats itself throughout the game
(Teachers' College, Columbia University 1999).
of self control
get along well with others, children need to develop focus, attention skills,
and the ability to restrain their impulses. The preschool years are an
important time to learn such self-control, and we can help them do it.
Traditional games like "Simon Says" and "Red light, Green
light" give youngsters practice in following directions and regulating
their own behavior.
more information, see the research-tested games described in this article about teaching
self-control. For additional advice about the socialization of young children, see this article about preschool social skills.
Social skills activities for big kids
who are good at interpreting facial expressions can better anticipate what
others will do. They are also more “prosocial," or helpful towards others.
Experiments suggest that kids can improve their face reading skills with
practice. See these social skills
activities for teaching kids about faces.
discussions about emotion
It sounds simple, and it is: Read a story with
emotional content, and have kids talk about it afterwards. Why did the main
character get angry? What kinds of things make you get angry? What do you do to
cool off? When kids participate in group conversations about emotion, they
reflect on their own experiences, and learn about individual differences in the
way people react to the world. And that understanding helps kids develop their
In one study, 7-year-old school children met twice a
week to discuss an emotion featured in a brief story. Sometimes their teachers
encouraged them to talk about recognizing the signs of a given emotion. In
other sessions, the kids discussed what causes emotions, or shared ideas about how
to handle negative emotions ("When I feel sad, I play with the Wii,"
or "I feel better when my mother hugs me").
After two months, participants outperformed peers enrolled
in non-conversational emotion classes. They showed significant improvements in
their understanding of emotion. They also scored higher on tests of empathy and
"theory of mind" -- the ability to reason about other people's
thoughts and beliefs (Ornaghi et al 2014).
kids team up to create something together with blocks, they must communicate,
negotiate, and cooperate. Do these social skills activities make a difference?
one study of patients with high-functioning autism and Asperger’s syndrome,
school children attended a one hour session of group construction play once a
week for 18 weeks. Compared with kids given special training in the social use
of language, the kids in the construction group showed greater improvement in
their social interactions (Owens et al 2008). Other research indicates that the
benefits of these experiences last for years (Legoff and Sherman 2006).
I haven't found any randomized, controlled experiments on the subject, but some observational studies report that
kids improve their social skills when they work together in school or community gardens (Ozer et
al 2007; Block et al 2012; Gibbs et al 2013). Presumably, such gardening projects are like group construction
projects, promoting better cooperation and communication.
traditional game of charades, a player draws a slip of paper from a container
and silently reads the word written there. Then she tries to convey this word
to her unknowing team mates through pantomime.
gestures are most likely to communicate the crucial information? The best
players are good at perspective-taking, or imagining what viewers need to see
in order to guess the answer. Moreover, recent research suggests that watching
charades switches our brains into "mind-reading" mode: During fMRI scans,
players observing gestures experienced enhanced activity in the temporo-parietal
junction, a part of the brain associated with reflecting on the mental states
of other people (Schippers et al 2009).
It seems, then, that charades encourages kids to think about other perspectives,
and fine-tune their nonverbal communication skills.
suggests that team athletics can beneficial effect -- if we teach kids how
to be good sports. In one study, elementary school students who received explicit
instruction in good sportsmanship showed greater leadership and
conflict-resolution skills than did their control group peers (Sharpe et al
1995). Institute your own good sportsmanship program by following these
a game, remind kids on the goals of good sportsmanship:
- Being a good winner (not bragging; showing respect for
the losing team)
- Being a good loser (congratulating the winner; not
blaming others for a loss)
- Showing respect to other players and to the referee
- Showing encouragement and offering help to less
- Resolving conflicts without running to the
a game, give kids the chance to put these principles into action before
you intervene in conflicts. If they don’t sort things out themselves after two
minutes, you can jump in. And when the game is over, give kids feedback on
their good sportsmanship.
Social skills activities for adolescents
bias" is the tendency to evaluate evidence in favor of one's own point of
view. Studies indicate that most people -- regardless of IQ -- fall prey to
myside bias (Stanovich et al 2013). But that doesn't mean we're doomed to make
an unlimited array of prejudiced, irrational decisions. People become less
prone to myside bias as a function of the years they spend in higher education,
even after controlling for age and cognitive ability (Toplak and Stanovich
it seems likely that aspects of the traditional curriculum -- like exposure to
diverse viewpoints, debate, and the tools of critical thinking -- are beneficial.
And kids shouldn't have to wait until college to become aware of their biases. One
classic educational approach is to assign students to take turns advocating
both sides of a given debate. Not only
will kids practice perspective-taking, they are likely to hone critical thinking skills as well. For more information, see my article about teaching debate skills to kids.
games that encouraging perspective-taking and reduce social biases
Researchers Geoff Kauffman and Anna
Flanagan perceive a problem with many "consciousness-raising" programs
and social skills activities: They're too preachy, and that tends to turn
people off. So Kauffman and Flanagan recommend a more subtle approach, one that
embeds the social message in a fun, lighthearted game.
To date, Flanagan has created two
such games. The first, mentioned at the beginning of this article, is a card game
called Awkward Moment™. It has been tested on kids as young as 11 years old,
and found to improve players' perspective-taking skills. Players were also more
likely to reject social biases, and imagine females pursuing careers in
science (Kaufman and Flanagan 2015).
The second game, called Buffalo: The
Name Dropping Game™, is intended for ages 14 and up. Buffalo asks players to
think of real or fictional examples of people who fit a random combination of
descriptors (like tattooed grandparent, misunderstood vampire, or Asian descent
comedian). After playing this game, high school students showed increased
motivation to recognize and check their social biases, agreeing more strongly
with statements like "I attempt to act in non-prejudiced ways toward
people from other social groups because it is personally important to me" (Kaufman and Flanagan 2015).
Both Awkward Moment
and Buffalo The Name Dropping Game are available from Amazon.
For more information about the development of social skills, see these evidence-based articles.
References: Social skills activities
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Block K, Gibbs L, Staiger PK, Gold L, Johnson B, Macfarlane S, Long C, Townsend M. 2012. Growing community: the impact of the Stephanie Alexander Kitchen
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Sharpe T, Brown M and Crider K. 1995. The effects of a
sportsmanship curriculum intervention on generalized positive social
behavior of urban elementary students. Journal of applied behavior
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Spinka, M., Newberry, RC, and Bekoff, M. 2001. Mammalian play:
Training for the unexpected. Quarterly Review of Biology 76: 141-16.
Stanovich KE, West RF, Toplak ME. 2013. Myside Bias, Rational Thinking, and Intelligence. Current Directions in Psychological Science 2(4): 259-264.
Teacher's College, Columbia University. 1999. Conflict resolution for preschoolers. TC Media Center website. Accessed on 9/28/2015 at http://www.tc.columbia.edu/news.htm?articleID=4023.
Weiss MJ and Harris SL. 2001. Teaching social skills to people with autism. Behav Modif. 25(5):785-802.
Portions of this article are adapted from an earlier work by the same author.
Image of kids running: Elizabeth Jackson/wikimedia commons
Image of baby with teenager: Richard Leeming/flickr
Image of multiple facial expressions: istock
Image of teacher and teenagers: istock
Content of Social Skills Activities last modified 11/2015