Some people believe that excessive infant crying and irritability are
caused by anxious or moody parents. According to this idea, young
babies cry because their parents are anxious or depressed and transmit
their negative emotions to their infants.
Plausible? Sure. It’s
clear that distress is contagious. But it works both ways: Taking care
of an upset, colicky, or irritable baby can be very stressful. Parents
may feel helpless, too, and feelings of helplessness can trigger
Perhaps, then, babies and parents reinforce each
other’s bad moods. Extremely irritable, fussy, or disconsolate babies
make parents upset. And upset parents may behave in ways that make
But even if this is true, it’s wrong to assume that excessive infant crying or irritability are caused by emotional parents.
And there’s evidence suggesting that infant irritability can trigger depression in mothers.
So it seems very likely that crying is frequently the cause—not the effect—of parenting stress.
Here’s the evidence.
Infant crying as a consequence of parental anxiety: The case for blaming the parents
The argument goes like this: Due to inexperience, anxiety, or
depression, some parents show more negative emotions to their babies.
They might also show less engagement with their babies, particularly if
they are depressed. The babies respond by crying, fussing, and being
This idea has some intuitive appeal. After all, it’s
not fun to be around people who are in distress, and many studies have
linked family stress with colic (see summary in DeSantis et al 2004).
Moreover, we know that some parents show signs of stress or depression before they’ve been exposed to excessive infant crying.
instance, one study tracked women during pregnancy and found that
mothers were more likely to report colicky babies if they had
experienced problems or stress during pregnancy. Colic was also
associated with negative childbirth experiences (Rautava et al 1993).
longitudinal study found that mothers who reported more stress and less
support from their partners at two weeks postpartum were more likely to
report babies with colic at six weeks postpartum (Stifter et al 2003).
But early signs of anxiety or depression aren’t strong proof that parents cause most cases of excessive crying
There are other explanations. For one thing, these studies depend on
parent self-reports to identify excessive infant crying. Maybe parents
who are already distressed or depressed are less tolerant of crying and
more likely to report it as a problem.
For another thing, it’s
possible that unexplained infant crying has a genetic basis. We know
that anxiety and depression can run in families. Perhaps that’s one
reason why parental depression and anxiety are linked with excessive
And let’s not forget the obvious: Parents who
experience negative emotions during pregnancy, childbirth, or the first
days postpartum might have other problems that cause excessive infant
Prenatal depression can be caused by all sorts of
things--including psychological stress and illness--that may have direct
effects on the developing fetus. In the study tracking pregnant women,
researchers found that excessive infant crying wasn’t just linked with
prenatal depression. It was also linked with prenatal health problems
First-borns don’t cry more
As noted above, some researchers have suggested that excessive infant
crying is caused by caregivers who are anxious and insecure. If true,
we’d expect first-borns to cry more than other babies. But that isn’t
Studies of crying in young infants have found that first-borns do not cry more than latter borns (St James-Roberts 1996; St James-Roberts and Halil 1991; Alvarez and St James-Roberts 1996).
Infant crying doesn’t increase with the severity of a mother’s depression
If parents were transferring negative emotions to their babies, we
might expect to find a link between the severity of a mother’s
depression and the amount of time her infant cries. But a study of
depressed American moms failed to find any link—i.e., hours of infant
crying were not significantly different whether moms were mildly,
moderately, or severely depressed (Maxted et al 2005).
Does infant colic or irritability ever precede a parent’s psychological symptoms? Yes.
Lynne Murray and colleagues tracked a group of British women from their
last trimester of pregnancy through the second year of their babies’
lives (Murray et al 1996). At 10 days postpartum, researchers tested and
rated the babies for irritability. They also assessed the mothers’
moods and perceptions.
Any mothers who were suffering from
depression at the time of their infants’ assessments were dropped from
the study. The remaining mothers were screened again at 6-, 8-, and 18
The results? Among moms whose personal circumstances put
them at higher risk for postnatal depression, neonatal irritability was
the best predictor of depression.
The link remained statistically
significant even after taking into account the mothers’ moods and
perceptions of their babies in the first postnatal week (Murray et al
So you’re coping with a difficult baby and it’s really stressful. What now?
The scientific evidence—and common sense—suggest that parents need to
take their stress seriously. And so do the people around them.
Maternal depression—whatever the cause--is linked with poorer outcomes for everyone, baby included.
And, as I note in my
overview of colic,
excessive, unsoothable crying can be a trigger for baby shaking, which can cause head trauma and brain damage.
So if you’re coping with the stress of an irritable, fussy, or colicky baby, take these recommendations to heart.
• Don’t get isolated. The research is pretty clear on this
point: Parents are more likely to get depressed when they lack social
support. In many Western countries, parents of young babies--especially
mothers--spend long hours in isolation with their infants.
Anthropologically speaking, that’s pretty weird. In most small-scale
societies, mothers are virtually never left alone with their young
• Even if your baby seems otherwise healthy, don’t make the mistake of blaming yourself. There’s
evidence that some babies are just different.
Some young infants are much harder to soothe. Others may be born with a
more irritable temperament, reacting negatively and intensely things
that other babies don’t mind.
• Reject advice that assumes all babies are the same. It's unlikely that the same tactic will have the same effect on all babies.
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Murray L, Stanley C, Hooper R, King F, and
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